This Is How I Disappear

I was going to be stubborn. I was ready to just spend the rest of the evening to read a good book. Well, it’s too bad for me; I’ve finished the book and left with nothing interesting to do, unless if you count watching Doraemon on the television as interesting that is. So, my long battle; refusing to reassemble the computer which well, had been fixed and the CPU had been staring at my face every morning for the past thirty-six hours is now a lost cause. 1) My darling brother had reassemble it for me – Dang, I hate it when he’s being nice sometimes. He takes all the fun out of my life. Yeah, he put the speaker back on the wrong way, still… 2) I really can’t find any reason not to type up what I thought about the book I have just finished reading. Yes, finally, after three days with long distractions and strange stares from people when I read it on the bus as well as on the trains – I swear, they need to read more. No, I don’t believe I should read any less.

So, this is back to Potter and Darcy on the same page.

Me & Mr Darcy by Alexandra Potter. Maybe I should misplace my book more often considering every time I come across the book again, I actually finish reading it – regardless how everyone around me seemed determine to catch my attention which frankly, really bothers me. For the last time, its white; I don’t care if it’s pearl white, sea shell white or whatever white. As far as I’m concerned, white is white. For the love of – Gah… Anyway, remind me to never read the book in a public place – ever. Well, at least the last few chapters. No, it’s not because the early chapters aren’t as interesting, but after reading chapter after chapter, I can’t help but wanting to just break down and laugh so hard over the little things. Miss Potter certainly have her own distinctive way of writing and I can’t help but loving each chapters. Of course, for someone who had read Pride and Prejudice a couple of times (oh boohoo, so I’m not as crazy as some) I can’t help but notice how easily predictable everything would be. Especially the very moment she introduce Spike Hargreaves – That name somehow made me think of EPL. I could have sworn there’s a footballer with that last name, I’ll have to check with my brother on that – Or Alex, she’s a walking, talking football – actually, Liverpool FC Encyclopedia.

I’ve already share the story over why I decided to but the book in the first place, so to spare some souls, I rather not be repetitive. And no, I’m not going to spoil too much of everything, even though I believe I must have to an extent. But the truth is, there is no dull moment when I read the book. I wanted to keep on turning the pages and kept reading even when I was too sleepy (like yesterday) and about to miss my stop on the train (earlier today). I like how Emily Albright is not just another tragic heroine, trust me, I’ve read my fair share of modern flick and I always feel as if I wanted to slap the heroine. I mean, I do understand why Juliet was so hopeless, it was a different time (still, I felt like slapping her) and how all the Disney Princess needs saving all the time. What I’m trying to say, I didn’t regret buying the book, even if it was for all the wrong reason – Potter and Darcy, I really need to sort my head.

Right, Emily Albright. It wasn’t hard for me to relate to her. Her love for books and the fact that she’s a hopeless romantic. I believe a lot of women these days who read the books could find themselves relating to Emily, regardless whether or not they wanted to be hopeless romantic. Even if it went a little Sci-Fi of sort for me, I do enjoy it. Emily was average; she was someone you could see in you, your friends or someone you walk pass on the street. Her adventure was something we all wish was real and like her, I believe everyone is looking for the right one. This book will stay on my good list for many years to come and if no one suddenly steal (as in borrow and never return policy of some people I know have) it from me, I surely wouldn’t mind finding myself curled up reading it again.

No, your eyes is just fine…

It’s just that today, the same topic pops up again that makes me just wanted to laugh out. One guess what’s the topic — if you guessed my spending when it comes to books, that is basically an every day challenge just not to talk about it. If you guessed my work, again, daily ramblings that never really ends. No, what really makes me laugh is the fact my friend had once again brought up the topic of me - not dating, not seeing anyone and not caring about any of the above. Call me crazy, but the last thing I need is to mess up my head with male problem. No, I’m not a feminist, just far too busy to kill more braincells on men alone. Anyway, not that it ever matter because whenever I chat with my friends to keep up with several things altogether, things such as — well, random things about me will pop up like someone had past the topic on a billboard along the highway and my friends can’t miss it.

Still, that’s the least of my worries. My computer-less life had somehow bring a bit more time for me to think and catch up with thousands of matters which I have been putting off since the beginning of time. Like reading a new book for example. I find that I have more time now that I’m away from all the role-playing dramas that seemed to be endless. I no longer have to worry having my character stalked — seeing how I’m almost always have to play the male character (my friends made me…) and fact I got caught up with in character drama which half the time, people find ways to drag it out into real life — leaving me confused and completely out of place trying to avoid any conflict. Most of the time, I fail to do so and ended up being the bad person in almost every situation - like, what the hell? I have to get my reality check whenever this happens.

Alright, back to life, reality check fails. I mean, really, crashed and burn. Why? How often do you pick up a book because the title or the writer have a common name in your world. For me it’s either; Darcy, Potter, Jones, etc. I was never really a big fan of Jane Austen, no really. I didn’t start reading her books until my late teens. The only reason why I did so was because of the idea of Mr Darcy of whom I heard so much about. I wanted to know this nobleman who no real life man could compare to. Can you blame real life men? They’re real for starters, they’re bound to have endless faults compare to a character from a book — yes, I know what reality means and I live in it, but I sometimes too have trouble differentiating these two worlds because — who can deny living in a dream state where all your dreams and wishes coming true?

Alright, why does Potter and Darcy (and Jones?) come to blend in together? Well, not Jones. Jones is just the last name of one of my favourite Author; Diana Wynne Jones. I loved reading her books and my favourite after all these time is still; The Power of Three. Nope, not the Charmed Ones, though I did watch that TV show and it was — wait, still remain my favourites after all these times. I mean come on, butt-kicking witches and darn hot whitelighter? Ehem, do I need to go on? Right, It doesn’t matter. So, why does Potter and Darcy suddenly share a page? Well, about half a year ago a purchase a book, it had been abandon in my closet for such a long time after several things kept on popping up and my love on endless fantasy almost always taking over my sanity whenever possible.

Yes, I found the book. I actually found it a couple of days ago when I was trying to find a T-shirt to wear, needless to say, I forgot to do laundry and I ran out of clean clothes to wear. I stumbled across the book and took me a few moment to realize it was one of the book I had forgotten about. I of course, took a trip down memory lane. Funny how I, at most time, happens to have a very bad memory but whenever anything associated with books came up, I could remember it like it is happening. I remembered why I bought the book. 1) The author’s name is Potter. Honestly, it’s enough to catch my attention after being a Harry Potter fan for so long, anything Potter will light a bulb in my head. 2) Mr Darcy. The perfect gentleman which makes half the female in the world wishes they’re Elizabeth Bennett. Can you blame them?

You guessed, it’s a chick flick.. or Lit or whatever you want to categorize it. I honestly never care about genre, I read most everything at random just because I feel like it. I can’t say I don’t have a preference as it is obvious my world is closely tied up to Harry Potter. I started to read the book, and have yet to finish it. It just occurred to me that it takes me longer to read than it used to. I used to be able to spend only half a day on an almost 400 pages book, now I’m taking — I dunno how long I would take for me to finish the book, but so far, I’ve enjoyed it…

You wish, there’s not a chance in this world I’d ever join a marathon any time soon. Not with the fact that I’m prone to accidents and the fact that I get sick ever so easily that it really is too much for one person could ever handle. Anyway, there’s a lot other type of marathons when it comes to me. There’s movie marathon, drama marathon, etc. In this case, it’s drama marathon. It’s a bit hard to concentrate on watching when my mother is watching it as well. Would anyone really believe I actually spend money on a drama series DVD? Hmm… I was surprise with my own decision, but I did in fact had bought the DVD for a Taiwanese drama — Fated to Love You. Of course, there’s several other title for the drama, one of it is “You’re My Destiny”, and I can’t remember the rest… The movie stars Chen Qiao En as Chen Xin Yi, En Ethan Ruan as Ji Cun Xi and Baron Chen as Dylan Dai.

I honestly was at first, not at all interested to watch the drama. Why? First of all, it’s a drama. I usually won’t watch any drama at random without someone suggesting it, so this was definitely something seeing the last drama I’ve watched — Sweet Relationship stars an actor whom I’ve seen in several other drama series and movies before - Vic Zhou. But, I went over reading the synopsis anyway. I had the time to burn and basically was already bored out of my mind after watching Stardust for the twelfth time. The plot caught my interest. I a few episode online — Thanks to several amazing subbers which had dedicate some free time in their lives to sub the series. Yup, you guessed, I don’t understand Mandarin. It’s not my second, third, fourth or whatever number really. The only thing I know is; Wo pu che tau. Means, I don’t know. Okay, so maybe I know a few more phrases.

Anyway, the drama. It wasn’t what I expected. It honestly wasn’t. It became clearer to me on just how much the old days had gone. I mean, I remember watching random Chinese dramas and there was no kissing scenes — at all. I must be ancient then. Though, I do love the humor throughout the dramas. As much as the drama pace had changed compare to the 90s era, I still enjoy the movie. The funniest thing that really could easily crack me up is Ethan Ruan’s expression alone. It’s hard not to laugh whenever I see his confused expression as Cun Xi. Then, of course, the fact as always, the guy is just too bloody stupid to realize that he had fallen in love with the girl right in front of his eyes when everyone else had noticed it since the beginning of time.

The chemistry between Qiao En and Ethan was undeniable, without it, the drama wouldn’t have been half as entertaining as it was. Qiao En is without a doubt a spectacular actress. I kept feeling sorry and wanting to cry with her — Trust me, if you’re not Shah Rukh Khan, it’s not that easy to make me bawl my eyes out — I cry, but I don’t bawl my eyes out. It was worth it to spend my money on the DVD, I will most definitely watch the drama at least once again. Though, I am really disappointed when it comes to the poor translation provided with the DVD. It was as if it had been done in a rush by a bunch of illiterate child compare to the subbing that had been done by the fans which can be found online. Those translation work, it looked as if had been done by professionals compare to the copy I have. Alas, that’s my only regret when it comes to buying the DVD — poor subbing.

Honestly, I don’t need that kind of push to make me want to learn another language. I still read the subtitles/translation even when I understand the language damn it. It’s a habit that, well, it won’t die. I just feel awkward not reading the translation.

Alright, so I’m back on cheating myself from writing or typing something down. I have an excuse, I swear, my computer broke down and seeing I’m on leave from work, I can’t sneak around online at work either. What a bummer there, it can’t be helped really, not that I’m complaining. I am kinda enjoying the quiet time, away from craziness of the work load that never seemed to end on most days. Most importantly, I feel relieved of sort to be away from the internet life. Funny how some who had known me for the past few years would laugh upon hearing that. I could almost hear my friend going; “I thought internet is your life”. Oh yeah, that’s exactly how horrible it is, I basically have almost no social life. I hate shopping, I do go out and party all night, I most certainly doesn’t get drunk randomly. No, I’m not a saint — I really am not.

I just have a different outlook when it comes to fun and how to live my life. It’s not natural to some people, but it’s how I work. I think it is safe to say that it is only normal for me. Anyway, then what the hell am I doing online? My computer? Still dead, fortunately. It had yet to tempt me to go all out and beg for a new computer. For a second earlier, I really was considering to just purchase a new one. But, seeing my brother needs a new laptop more that I do, I backed out. Yes, my brother rescued me from having to be all tied up with internet once again. Good news, he now own a laptop — finally. He’s not as patient as I was. Not my word — It’s according to my mother. But, I’m pretty sure we’re both as persistence as the other. We don’t give up until we reach our goals. I like that happens to be the one thing I have in common with my brother — well, we do have a few other things in common — lack sense of direction for one. It’s quite hilarious whenever I thought about it.

So, what have I been doing without my computer? Surprisingly I find myself more preoccupied that I thought I’d be. I made plans with my mother and brother, I started to read a book and I actually catches up with a couple of dramas that I do like to watch. And yes, I bought over five different DVDs; 2 dramas and 3 movies. Everything local. Well, if you count Taiwan as local as since I’m not from there — Well, it’s still quite local — it’s Asian and I am somewhere in Asia. And the movies? It’s purely local; movies that everyone in my house could enjoy, umm… Maybe just that one movie because the other two is a little to, how do I put it? A little too, dramatic, for my brother’s liking. But, neither my mother or I have any problem bawling our eyes out over the movies. In some ways, I still do have a lot in common with my mother and I’m proud that I do. I love the fact I could be similar to her in some ways, it means she will never stop being apart of me.

I know it’s silly, but silliness is how I live by. So, I spent a day out with my mother and my brother. We watched a local movie, laughed our heads off, bought myself a new external hard drive which I had been meaning to buy since the pre-historic era (exaggerating much?), my brother got a new USB Data Traveler he needed so he no longer have to be frantic over losing his pictures — I swear, he have more pictures of girls than our uncle and our uncle is like — somewhat of an eligible bachelor. Apart from that, my brother finally bought his very own laptop. I’m glad because I no longer have to fight him off over the right to use the computer because that is now all mine. Well, he still lets me use his laptop every now and then seeing how prone to break downs my computer is. Like now, at the wee hours in the morning when I should really be sleeping.

Never really a big deal for me. But, after a long day and a crazy drama marathon with my mother. I suddenly remember the resolution which I had formed a couple of days ago. I know, it’s a bit too early to make one since it’s only October, but I’m making one anyone. And mine is simple, I will watch more local as in really local and Asia-local movies and dramas compare to Hollywood releases for the next few months. I feel as if I have missed a lot. It’s about time I remember just how much I love the butt-kicking movies made locally, and how I love the Chinese release movies which have strong storyline and impressive acting. Not forgetting the Bollywood ones — even when half of it makes me sleepy — Shah Rukh Khan can still easily make anyone cry along with him (unless if you don’t have a heart).. Of course, anything Asian. But I’d probably avoid dramas; draggy much? It’s like watching General Hospital Soap. Like… zzzzzzzz… Sorry, I don’t flow that way, but I could appreciate good work.

So, I’m sitting here wondering about a lot of things after talking to my friend.

For the past few years, I’ve avoided making much comment on wars and the state of chaos everywhere — even the one on my front porch (or should I say my mother’s?). However, as of lately, it became apparent to me that it’s not possible for me to continue pretending that it hadn’t even tickle my curiosity and had changed me to be one of the most opinionated version of me — more than I’d like to be. It’s impossible not to think about it. It’s everywhere — I can’t even open a stinking newspaper or watch a simple news at night without hearing some other horrific event that took place and had caused someone’s life somewhere. I kept thinking and wondering and most of all — I usually put myself into their family shoes and try to see how it must be for them to live with the fact that they lost someone dear to them. Truthfully, I can’t even begin to understand it, anyone who tells you that they understand usually are selling something. No, I can’t even begin to imagine the sorrow of which some might not even able to overcome for the rest of their lives either.

Today, my friend told me she and her family thinks the idea of war is pointless. Before this, I have kept a lot to myself. Now, I admit, I agree with her entirely. At school, History was one of my favourite subject. I was good at it and had only failed once because I wasn’t paying much attention. It was early in the school year and I wasn’t in the mood to start. But, I learned something from all the History lessons my teachers had fed me over the years and those I have read all over without ever getting bored of it. No, I don’t like war, I just read them to remind myself the cost of it. I was raised in a family that believes that everything could be solved without violence. Usually they’d just scream at each other to make a point — it was always amusing to watch them argue because, my family, none of them (with the exception of a handful) likes to be beaten or proven wrong. So, even when my uncles and aunts could easily break anyone into two (a few of them had taken up martial arts), they never did used it. Well, at least not in front of me as far as I know.

And I thought more today. The war, chaos and everything. What do we gain from it? A lesson? Well my friend, we are obviously stupid enough to repeat a mistake to learn a lesson if that is the case. Throughout History itself we could see the damage those thing could do. The damage of pride, greed and anger. The brutality of which sacrifices innocence and force a child to grow up knowing no other way to solve anything. On August 6 and 9, 1945, a nuclear bomb was dropped on the city of Hiroshima and Nagasaki respectively. This forever altered the country, leaving the people who survived forever scarred. True, both Hiroshima and Nagasaki recovered and had since flourished, but at what cost? Millions of lives were lost because of an act of revenge. Those innocent lives that cannot be redeemed — these two cities were filled with civilians and they had lost their lives because of three things — stupidity, greed and revenge.

On December 7, 1941. The event which had led to the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Of course, the attack on Pearl Harbor. I’ve known about this even before the movie was released so I’d prefer if I’m not accused of only knowing it from a movie, I was taught about it in school, the same as the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It’s not less significant, it’s not less important — lives we lost too, innocent people lost their lives, livelihood and the world as they know it. Have Hawaii recovered since? They have, just like Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Hawaii had been one of the famous tourist attraction, world class at that. Does that tone down the effect of the war, the dark History painted upon it — will it fade? No. But, why are we still want to be the idiots who wanted to continue sacrificing innocent lives because ‘it’s right’, If it is right, why does someone have to die to prove the point? Most of the time, it’s not just someone — million lives had to be lost just to prove a point.

The point is? It’s pointless. If we had learned to some extent, we’d know that the current state — it’s like we’re taking ourselves back to hundreds of years ago where men and women were fighting with swords and forks. Tearing down castles. It’s like we’re back to the time of “Qin Shi Huang”, “Attila the Hun”, “Alexander the Great”, and “Julius Caesar”, but we are have far better and far improved weaponry than those times and the times of, “Adolf Hitler”, “Joseph Stalin” and “Vladimir Lenin”. Overall, they don’t seemed to have much in common. Some perceived the other more like a hero compare to the rest, but the truth is they are almost alike. Their reign was build by, lived by blood of innocence. They just have different ways, but similar propaganda — all of them were hungry for power.

Alright, I have a problem. I admit, I can be a little bit too paranoid.

Well, not in a sense of thinking someone is stalking me, more like how things could go wrong and I would be caught dead in the whole whirlwind and stuffs. This led me to be — extremely cautious. Come to think of it, I had always been the cautious one in my family and even among my friends. I don’t actually know why or even remember when it started, but I guess it’s how things are going around me that force me to see every situation as potentially able to go completely wrong and land me in trouble. Even with work, which usually causes me to end up being on the frantic end. Truthfully, most of the time, I had sometimes hated the idea of having to be the one who is well — cautious, sensible and extremely eccentric. There’s too much effort on thinking about everyone and everything. But, well, if you’re hanging with the people I know, it’s a full time job.

So, why have I suddenly brought it up? Well, I have recently quit my job because I receive a better offer from another company. It seemed to be the best choice as the other company is closer to home and the pay isn’t so bad either. However, that is not really the case. The case is that the fact that my current company had decided to hold my current salary until next month — mid next month, basically until the last week where I’m due to leave work. I basically am annoyed by this. I don’t get it, it basically had never happened to me previously, I’ve worked before and I receive my salary as I should — monthly. So, according to month status, I should be receiving my current salary for this month and half of next month salary next month. It actually annoy me even more seeing that I have submit my resignation letter and given one month notice (which was required by my contract) — which means, they have no reason to hold my salary.

Still, luckily for me, the whole paranoia and cautiousness had been great on my side. Thankfully, I always consider the possibility one of these days, I would need something to fall back on. So, I — unlike, what? Everyone I know? had taken necessary precaution to ensure I won’t be broke for at least a month. Yup, thanks to Tallie actually. She had infected me with the virus. So, even the the company screw up and decided to make my life a complete mess for a moment — I have a plan to fall back on. But, for the record, I am still pissed because it was not mentioned in my contract and I wasn’t even briefed on chances that my salary would be delayed etc. when they briefed the whole ‘when we’re paying the salary’ junk after I asked. Like, what the hell? I have to ask for every single information when they could at least know which they should tell me without me asking every single thing — I have ONE brain damn it.

Alright, it seemed like lately, all I do is watch some random movie and not read anything new. Well, I don’t know, I can’t find myself that lost in stories anymore. I can’t blame everyone but myself in that department — no, I can’t focus on anything really. I have to constantly change things around me and it’s really tiring. I used to be someone with routine, crazy over the top day in and day out things that I would do. Now, it’s like scrambled around and I can easily lose my focus. Try and talk to me this days and you’d find I’ll only hear you for the first maybe two minutes and then I’ll be drifting elsewhere, which is what happen to my mother earlier this morning and I must say, she wasn’t pleased…

However, that’s not really important — I’m pretty sure it’s just a phase. Anyway, movies, so today, I got bored. So, I skimmed through whatever movie there was that I’ve never watched and I stumbled across — Jack and Jill Vs. The World. I must say, it had been a long time since I’ve watched any movie starring Freddie Prinze Jr. I think the last one was like… Scooby Doo 2? And it was only because my brother insisted it. Then, no more Freddie. It wasn’t a bad movie really, I love the story. Okay, sure, majority movie critique would go; “impossibly boring”, “predictable”, and maybe even… Oh, I don’t know — “Corny”? I’ll tell you what, we could all use a bit of corny in our lives. With the whole thing that’s going on in the entire world, this kind of movie, as cheesy — unrealistic or whatever it was, it could make some portion of people in some part of the world smile because of it’s simplicity.

So, what’s the story about? Thirty-something, good looking but boring routine-full New York City advertising executive; Jack crosses path with a beautiful, over the top, free-spirited twenty one years old Jill. It’s a whirlwind even for the beginning, everything was accidental and by week’s end, they moved in together mainly because Jack have a good heart and after seeing Jill’s living condition (the outside of her apartment building) — well, he’s a good guy. Life as Jack knows it, of course — never the same again. Jill brought up the side of him that even he doesn’t know exist, more like denying the fact that it does. They made up a manifesto together (I personally think it’s sweet) and the first rule on it was “Be honest”. Of course, Jack had been honest, but — oh, here it is the flaw of which can be categorize as cheesy — Jill wasn’t. She was hiding a secret.

She’s always missing and it’s troubling Jack, he pressed on wanting to know what was going on — even to a point of asking “Was there another guy?”… I swear, really? So, a girl disappear for days or weeks it had to be because of another guy? I’m really wondering, in movies and real life, can’t the guy actually be a little bit more creative and less suspicious perhaps? Who knows, she might just be off somewhere in Vegas gambling it off. It’s just a thought… Anyway. So, of course, Jack found out what was wrong — Jill confesses that she have Cystic Fibrosis. It’s a hereditary disease affecting the exocrine (mucus) glands of the lungs, liver, pancreas, and intestines, causing progressive disability due to multi-system failure. Simpler terms? It causes your main organ to shut down and eventually will kill you. Not pretty actually, I’ve read some bits about the disease before and I gotta say, people who have it and still battling it, they’re probably the bravest person there is. But, with modern medicine, who knows, there might be more that scientist and doctors can do for the patients.

Yeah, movie — So, boy freak out. Mainly because Jill broke the first rule that is. What he soon realize was that he was already in love with her and he doesn’t care anymore. He tried to go after her and misses her of course. And last attempt — passing a letter trough a friend — Lucy. Of course, the letter contains the manifesto and yes, Jill got it. So, Jack quit his job (more like he ask to be fired — weird chap) and make a stop to talk to a dove on the roof before walking out of the office only to find fire trucks and his friend telling him that there is a bomb threat that someone had called and claim that they’re “waging a sustained campaign against ugliness” which Jack knew immediately that it had to be Jill. He searches for her, found her and they made up. And yes, Jack added one more rule to the manifesto — “Always be willing to admit when you’re wrong” and Jill was alright with that.

And the all lived happily ever after — or for as long as they have left. Riding towards an unknown destination.

The Manifesto?
Rule 1 Be honest
Rule 2 Believe in fairy tales
Rule 3 Accept time as our friend
Rule 4 Make sure the nooky is good
Rule 5 Promote beauty. Wage a sustained campaign against ugliness
Rule 6 Abandon the pursuit of happiness and its false promise
Rule 7 Show compassion, except to pirates
Rule 8 Always be willing to admit when you’re wrong

Must say, I do enjoy the movie.

Sleeping is for squares…

Well, at least my friend claim it is so. I never really given much thought about it. Maybe because, well, it’s not really that important to me. I have trouble sleeping for as long as I could remember. I would either have a hard time to go to sleep or suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. But, when such happen, I always make the most of it, like going online and catch up with my friends (I do believe they’re getting bored of me — joking)… Or I’d simply watch a movie or a new episode of a show that I have been following since the beginning of time — not exactly that long, just something I watch more than other TV shows.

So, I have like, five TV shows that I do watch on daily basis. I know that seemed a lot, but I only watch them once a week and don’t really just watch it, I multitask. I would at times do research in between or read as the show rambles on. I’m ever so distracted. But, of course, not every show actually made it into my ‘must watch’ list. I am very picky, impossibly crazy — so you see, only a handful out of everything that I care to wait out weeks after weeks and go craze over. Of course, the one on top of my list is the show that finally return to the TV. I was agonizing over it for weeks, waiting and waiting. It’s none other than Supernatural.

I really didn’t see what was coming for the new season, I was already waiting like crazy and the first episode just made me looking forward to the next one. Of course, it freaks some of the people I know. It’s because I have this reputation of being a chicken and having me watch all the creepy, gruesome series, it kinda made them wonder. Still, with all the excitement of the return of the new season of Supernatural, I can’t help but be a little — sad that Psych last episode for the season aired last week to make way for season break. I so don’t get it, I love the series. Other than Supernatural, I’d have to say it was the only show I look forward to week after week.

Well, at least there’s a couple of show that I could still watch with the absence of Psych. I must say, I’m not a big fan of drama. But, I’m not ashamed to say I do watch One Tree Hill. Though not the show I would die if I miss an episode, it is still interesting to watch — the whole triangle or square or whatever love connection there is. And even though I am not a big Sci-Fi fan, I do watch the show week after week, there’s just something much too interesting about The Terminator — of course, the show; The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I’d love to see how the show will take turn, I mean, I know there’s a new movie in the making, still… I thought they should have stopped with just two… I didn’t even like the third…

Alright, so this other show, the third season was alright. I watched it every now and then and it doesn’t seemed as intense as the first two. I must say, I was close to losing my interest on the show, but the fourth season came on and it kicked off great! Finally, I was wonder when they’ll face the big bad guy. The new season makes me wonder even more who’ll survive and who will be dying by the fifth episode. The show I’m talking about? Prison Break of course. For the first time, it finally felt like the first season all over again, anticipating what will happen week after week, layers of lies, truth and deception. Who can they trust, who’s on their side and who’s really bringing the other down. I would probably be disappointed when the show finally come to an end, but I wish it would soon so that the storyline won’t get a bit too draggy for my liking.

Though, the show I am looking forward to returning is — Kyle XY. I now can’t wait for January. The whole propaganda and agenda. I’m curious to see whether Kyle could ever lead a normal life, will he be able to save the people he loves and care about? I seriously don’t care how cliche the series will be — I just want to watch the next season already. Wonder what the series creator have in store for it. It seemed everyone got more tangled up in the web as the season goes and no one stayed dead… Woah…

Overall, I have a list of series to watch and looking foward too. Even though some of the series is a bit too — repetitive, it’s always good to watch something. And I just realize I watched more Sci-Fi genre than any other show… Wow… My friend should be proud of me.

I find myself having a new mission — to write at least once a day. If I write more than that, that would be an achievement. It could really help me get into the whole writing part again. I’ve been under writer’s block for far too long for my liking.

Anyway, how often do you find yourself completely pissed off in the morning? Umm… Let me see, every now and then? Well, when it comes to me, it’s on a daily basis and mostly because of some people who really get on my nerves. Like for the fact a certain someone at work — and the computer of course. It always bothers me how some of it never really work out properly. Well, it happens every now and then, I think it’s more than ‘every now and then’, that is like, underrated. When people push my button way too much for my liking, I do lose my temper, but I usually shook it off by drumming or punching the table or walk it off. I for one had tried to tolerate a lot of people in my life, especially those who I work with. People actually call me childish for watching certain shows and acting a certain way. But really what does it means to be an adult?

No, not really, I don’t really care much about that question being answered or not. I have much too much on my mind. Especially the fact that my co-worker is being a jerk. Well, I know they’re some bloody hot shot so-called adult. Apparently as people age, they lose their sense of imagination and their sense of toleration towards others. I’m only in my early twenties and I already see what life means, maybe not entirely and maybe not to an extent where people could say that life is just awfully suck. I don’t think life is entirely terrible. Not when you try to have some fun with it and have a laugh every now and then. Which I try to do every chance I get, it’s hard enough to exist in the real world, I don’t want to be too serious doing it either. So, what if I’m childish, completely over the top every now and then (and sometimes almost often)? I really can’t figure out how to act anymore.

Nope, really, I don’t. On one hand I’m such a childish person, on another hand, I’m too serious for everyone’s liking. I tried to live up to everyone’s expectation, but it doesn’t seemed to be all that fun at all. I’m trough doing just that because I died doing just that. And I really haven’t truly found myself ever since that and those people who only care to comment, they’re no help trying to bring me back to life — not ever. What does it matter if I ask a complete rhetorical questions to myself out loud? What does it matter if I say something out loud? So I say things out loud in public just to hear myself think, anyone have a problem with that? Too bad really. I have a lot of clutter in my head. Loads, I’m only in my early twenties. I’ve seen my family died on me, I’ve lost my friend, and I’ve been called a bitch, airhead, psychopath and a lot more names and I’m not even popular. At least I don’t think I am hahah…

I’ve been really tired and I’ve been at my lowest low. I don’t say much about it because I hate to see my friends (those who I have left) and my family (just my mother and brother) sad about it. So, I laugh and pretend that everything is alright for the past nine years. But, I was never the same person I was back then. And no one could truly tell that. Well, Nya could easily read my mood swing and I’m really glad I still have a friend who doesn’t judge me by my weirdness scale because I broke that one a long time ago — she knows. So, if we’re debating on how much one can have on my mind, try having my life, I have to run (despite the fact running could trigger my asthma) to blur out the world in order to think. The only reason why I haven’t gotten myself a driver’s license, well, I fear that if I have one, I would start driving faster than anyone could imagine just to blur out the world…

I feel like I should write something before I hit the hay.

Well, I don’t remember wanting to write much of everything for a while. But, this is good, I’m writing again. It’s been difficult for me to do so for the past few months, words kept getting stuck somewhere in my head and never made it out.

Right, so today kicked off pretty lame actually. Still have that sort of feisty feeling over certain things which I rather not discuss, it’s not really personal, it’s more of something I believe in and it’s hard when people doesn’t really get it, but, I get over things just as fast — which is good, I don’t have the time nor energy to wonder about the things that really don’t matter. I have thousands of other things to do. Yes, it’s still on top of my mind, still, I’m trying not to think about it.

So, I ended up watching two movies today. It seemed to be the only thing I could do to keep my mind off of the really annoying things in life really. I must say, I truly do enjoy both of the movies. So, I kicked of my evening with a new Warner Bros.’s movie (direct-to-DVD movie), I was actually quite skeptical about it at first. I mean, it’s one of those romantic comedy — nah, I’m kidding, I enjoy most cheesy romantic comedy movie than the rest of the huge blockbuster which appear on the cinema every possible season (thankfully there’s only four seasons…), I’m not much of a movie goer. Anyway, the movie — Another Cinderella Story.

Staring of course — Selena Gomez. I must say, I have nothing against any of the Disney Princesses (I consider as one, like hello, she have a TV show on Disney), well, basically teen actresses started out in Disney. I do like several of them — given the fact I don’t know them personally. Plus, I really have no issue with them in… ever? But, the main attraction that makes me care to watch the movie, of course, the one and only: Mr Andrew (Drew) Seeley. Yes, I know, his voice was used for “Troy Bolton”’s singing voice, blended with Mr Zac Efron’s of course. I have been impressed with him since then. And I must say, watching the movie, it was great. I never really thought he could dance like that. I was completely surprised, there’s also the fact that he sounded great! Yes, yes, Selene Gomez, pretty young girl with talent. Hopefully she have a brain as well. I mean that in a good way.

Why? Well, seeing how things are going worldwide… Do you really need me to break it down? Hmm? No? Good answer. Anyway, the movie, nicely done, several witty lines actually causes me to laugh out loud. Especially the “Dominique, I need heavy equipment. For example, a flame thrower” It’s probably the simplest line, but it tickles my funny bones and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. I have a strange sense of humor. I only got one uh… It kinda makes me uneasy. Selena Gomez kissing Andrew (Drew) Seeley who is ten years her senior and the fact she’s a minor. Yeah, I was kinda taken aback by that — slightly. Overall though, it was a good movie. Nice blended comedy, catchy songs and not a bad storyline — if you’re already a fan of Cinderella.

Okay, Soccer Mom, I admit, I only watch it because of Emily Osment. Not to say I’m a big fan. But, I’ve only seen her in well, a few episodes of Hannah Montana. She have that “Lily” image and I was curious to see how she’s like out of that Lily-skin. Turns out, she’s pretty much the same. Well, the character is — Ever single thing reminded me of “Lily”. Still, it was a good movie. I can’t see my mum disguising herself as a guy just to boast my spirit, I’m pretty sure my mum would have dragged the guy there — yeah, my mum could be really freaky.  The storyline is modest. I can say that I can relate on a certain level seeing I too lost my father at a very young age. Well, hopefully there’ll be more of Emily Osment and she’d be a lot less like “Lily” with every role.